...that people find me cold. Or distant. Difficult to get to know. A closed book. With a lock, in a trunk, buried in the basement. Intimidating. From other quarters, “morally superior” (or that my actions don't line up with my thoughts, and I appear so). Inscrutable. That they don’t know what is going on inside my head. That they don’t feel like they really know me. That our friendship sort of "plateaus", and doesn’t go any deeper. I don’t disclose things about myself. I don’t share my feelings.
I’m not sure what to think. (I know that I am more comfortable listening to someone talk about themselves than I am talking about myself, but it seems to be deeper than that. ) When several of my close friends say these sorts of things, it means *something*. I know that I am not always honest, that I don’t always care enough to try, that much of the time I am “on” around people, that I’m not quite comfortable in my own skin. But sometimes I’m not exactly sure what it all means, or what precisely I am supposed to *do*.
And it’s late, and I'm tired.
And what if Brian at his most open is still inscrutable? (Even to himself?)
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To put a positive spin on it...at least you can know that you have a lot of people in your life who really care about you. People only really want to know someone if they care. And they only want to know someone if they believe that there's something in that person worth knowing.
Just something to think about. :)
GROW UP! The only people that will ever really know you are your best friend (assumming this relationship has more than a few years of history), your wife (see above caveat) and Jesus (no explaination needed). Don't get caught up in the misconception that to be a "real" person you have to be as transparent as glass. Back in the less politically correct days, there was a name for someone who eagerly "bared his soul" to anyone who would listen. I leave that name to your research and imagination.
Ah, Mr. (or Mrs....or Ms.) Anonymous. How quickly your sagacity and clear perspective have cut to heart of the matter, and rest assured I will carry with me always your exhortation (cleverly emphasized in all capital letters) to reach for greater heights of maturity.
In fact I share your disdain for those who insist upon foisting their life stories, hopes, dreams, and deepest thoughts upon every person, shrubbery and slow moving animal within earshot. And I agree that in today's society there is an almost manic desire to be known and understood, to be approved and considered "real" by one's peers.
This is, unfortunately, not really what I was talking about. (I assume any miscommunication to be on my part, and I apologize.) I care little what the random passers by careening through this world know of me. However, when several of one's closest friends independently voice the sentiments of which I wrote, one ought to at least pause and consider. It may be there are some things in my behaviour or character that need to be addressed. Or it may be that it (though obviously I wrote of a scattershot of ideas) is simply part of who I am, and that will be that. While I do not plan on weeping at the full moon in bouts of introspection , I think it would be foolish and, dare I say, arrogant, to be completely dismissive of the opinions of those I respect.
As a great philosopher once said, the unexamined life is not worth living. I leave his name to your research or, failing that, your imagination.
Brian,
Not everyone is the "soul bearing" type. And not everyone finds you "elusive" or "distant." I, for example, find you warm and pleasant...willing to share and also listen. I think you're doing just fine. I do think there are sometimes other things at work, which people misinterprete as airs of superiority. (Intelligence, for example...or thoughtfulness, or will power) Anyhow...that being said, I understand your point about the weight of a shared opinion. There's something to that, isn't there. You can't quite dismiss it as a fluke because its too statistically common. Blast! But then, when you're not sure what to do about it, how do you respond. I'd say, if you think some of these "closest friends" would be up for the job, it might be a good idea to ask them how they suggest you fix this problem. But if they cannot give you any clearer answers than say, "I dunno...be more open." Then I'm afraid I don't know what to tell you. I'm in those shoes myself and I have been for years. I am still baffled and tied in mental knots by the whole situation and I have yet to find an answer for how to fix myself. I wish better luck on you.
You bear a striking resemblance to an actor that I saw on PBS some time ago. Of course, he was clean shaven.
I assure you that my advise to grow up was not meant to be offensive. It was simply a suggestion, like, "sit up straight" or "be kind to dogs", that sort of thing. Your response was snitty and very entertaining. That is what drew me to monitor your blog as I drifted amongst a sea of insipid drivel on the net. You are talented, and have no doubt been published somewhere.Educated well, probably liberal arts. You don't write like a "geek". You've probably read the author you quoted in the original Greek, but then again, maybe that's just my imagination
And is the act of appearing inscrutable, even to one's self, really such a negative thing?
I love that you used a form of the term 'sagaciousness.'
There is a lot inside you, Brian. Perhaps that is part of why your friends feel that way...
God has done/continues doing so much through you and in your life. Though I wouldn't say we're super-close friends, I'm always blessed when I get to spend a few hours around you. Perhaps you're not always quick to open up and share all you feel... but our God doesn't work with a human cookie-cutter *thank Him for that, indeed!* You have your own amazing and wonderful traits... and I believe those that know you more and more could only be blessed by all that's been given to you.
~Elizabeth Joy~
Mysteriousness is just part of your nature--I think it gives you roguish charm and a hint of intrigue ;)
But seriously, as someone who has received opinions about her communicativeness both many and various, yet continues to be mystified by her own qualities of reticence (or lack thereof), I think you have to go with what makes you comfortable in whatever situation you might be and hope that your real friends understand that you might not want to share every dark demon or delightful diamond concealed in your soul. I honestly don't understand the way I interact with people; but then, I have an excuse. I am a woman ;)
Yes. Sorry for the long absence. Amnesia, you know. Spent the last three weeks as a yak herder.
So, to one and all:
Anonymous, you silver-tongued devil, flattery will get you nowhere. Though I admit you intrigue me somewhat. You seem familiar; have we met before?
Christy and Mara, you both have long overdue emails from me coming in the near future, as long as I am not again struck by a falling piece of the International Space Station.
Carleen, ever wise, and I am quite certain that you are absolutely radiant in your impending motherhood.
And thank you also, Elizabeth, for your kind words. They are something you excel at.
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